You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
