she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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