Your dad touched me again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
