She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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