no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Green mimosas i think yes
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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