my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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