dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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