Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
