best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
