I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
