your parents love me but you hate me
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
