that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
