Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
