Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
