I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
