the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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