I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
