When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
