btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
