I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sponge bath it is.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
