He disabled his match.com account in front of me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
