those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
