I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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