but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
