My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
