I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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