Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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