allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
