I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
