I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
