Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
