Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
