I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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