the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Randomize
