i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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