No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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