i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
