Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He? As in you personified your dick?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
