Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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