Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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