just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
