OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
