The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I need water and some morals
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
