No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
