she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
