They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
