i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
