It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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