I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
