I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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