I smell stomach acid.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
