Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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