I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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